He comes home frustrated. “I’m late for a meeting and my shirts are dirty!”
He believes he asked reasonably for a clean shirt.
Hearing herself criticised, she fires back, “If you’d fixed the washing machine like you promised, you’d have a cupboard full of clean shirts!”
“I only asked for a shirt,” he says.
“You didn’t ask, you complained!” she replies.
We complain, imagining we’re asking reasonably that our partner fixes a problem we’re upset about, then we’re frustrated when it backfires.
Why not adopt the Biblical principle?
“You do not have because you do not ask” (James 4:2).
You’ll be amazed how much you’ll get once you learn to ask.
Instead of assuming, demanding or complaining, learn a problem solving way to request.
Therapist Bill O’Hanlon calls it ‘turning your complaints into action requests’.
Instead of telling others what you don’t like about their actions, ask graciously and clearly for what you’d like them to do.
Be solution-focused, action-oriented, concrete and specific.
Instead of, “We’ve got guests in thirty minutes and you’re still watching TV!” try, “They’ll be here soon. Would you mind bathing the children while I finish cooking?”
No complaint, just a request.
Instead of, “Nobody lifts a finger around here but me,” try, “I’m really exhausted, would you help me organise the dishes?”
Accept responsibility for turning your complaints into action requests.
Be concrete and specific.
Saying “I need you to be considerate” is much too vague.
Ask yourself, “If he or she were being considerate, what would they be doing?”
Kindly, thoughtfully, request the behaviour you would like to see happen.
Always show gratitude when you get it!
Adapted from ... The Word For Today.com.au
Now I'll just write that out a few times till it sinks in ...
and I still love this song ...
http://phillipyoungmansfield.blogspot.com/2008/12/not-another-pop-song-eric-champion.html
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