Sibling Rivalry[]= Characterization
[Younger Brother] “Mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum! He stole my biscuit!”
[Older Brother] “Why you doity rat! I’ll get you!”
Does this sound familiar to anyone? Whenever there is more than one child in a family, conflict is inevitable. They go hand in hand like Doctor Who and Daleks, American Politics and Scandals, Shakespeare and Boredom. We call this behaviour Sibling Rivalry and it is a common and normal part of family life. What is sibling rivalry? (Slide 2: Definition) ... antagonism between brothers and/or sisters that results in physical fighting, verbal hostility, teasing or bullying.
(Slide 3: Definition) ... it can be simply competitive feelings and actions that often occur among children in a family. Why does this occur? Mainly, this unfriendliness is a method of competing for the affections of parents, although status and ego can also be factors. The reasons for competing are different, depending on the member of the family. Families sometimes face second child syndrome, where the first child feels threatened. The elder sibling was sole recipient of the parents love, living blissfully as an only child until the next arrives. Suddenly a stranger has the undivided attention of parents and first child begins to feel left out. This new threat must be neutralised at all costs. The younger child is literally the new kid on the block. The world is a strange and frightening place and two kind human beings called ‘parents’ are the only ones willing to guide them. But a bigger and somewhat scarier person is trying to erase them from existence. Naturally they must strike back, survival of the fittest! A spark of aggression is ignited and two titanic forces will be locked in combat for all eternity! Or at least until one –usually the eldest- leaves the proverbial nest.
(Slide 4- Forms of Rivarly)
There are many forms of this interesting ritual. From verbal sniping and teasing, to grappling and fighting. There are the less physically hurtful forms like one upmanship when it comes to sports, academics or other areas of interest. Couples that have yet to have children or even an only child might develop an unrealistic idea of what life is like in multi-child families.
(Slide 5- Photo of Ozzie and Harriet) This a stereotypical, stable nuclear unit. See their fixed smiles and their looks of wholesome, plastic perfection? Everyone gets along swimmingly and everything is fine and dandy. No arguing, no fighting, no accusations of favouritism. Imagine living in one of these clichéd families:
[Father]: Honey, I’m Home!
[Mother]: How was your day dear?
[Father]: Oh, the usual.
[Son]: Oh boy! Dad’s home.
[Other Son]: Daddy!
[Father]: C’mon kids, would you like to try out that new kite?
[Son]: Oh golly, would I ever!
[Other Son] Hooray!
Sickening isn’t it? Just plain unnatural. Life is rarely like this.
Speaking from experience, life at home can seem a lot more like this. (Play Shaolin Soccer clip) World war three! According to the dictionary definition, sibling rivalry evolves from an aggressive disposition. It’s often regarded as a negative practice which can poison relationships, which it probably can if it gets out of control. I know my father gets angry if we even imply anything other than utmost friendliness in our family. But there are also positive aspects to sibling rivalry. Siblings learn relationship skills, how to cooperate and settle differences as well as the ability to solve problems by working together to explain a problem, think up ways to solve the problem, decide what to try, and find out what works and what doesn’t work.
We learn to stand up for ourselves while at the same time respecting other people’s rights. We learn the difference between being clever and hurtful by seeing a sibling’s reaction. Identifying, experiencing, and expressing both positive and negative emotions also come into play. Kids learn that mixed feelings are natural, but that there are acceptable and unacceptable ways to express them to each other. With a brother or sister, children learn that they can’t always have their own way. Single children, who lack such an advantage, may only develop the same social skills later on in life from their peers at school. Contention helps us realize that life isn’t always fair!
(Show Home Alone Movie Clip. Slide 6- famous siblings point to each.)
Family conflict is nothing new. (Read Genesis Chapter 4 verse 8 from Bible)
Even in the biblical times there was these clowns, Cain and Able, Esau and Jacob and who could forget Joseph and his brothers? These days you have all your celebrity siblings. Serena and Venus Williams, obviously very competitive when they play each other. Owen Wilson and his brother Luke most likely try to outdo each other in Hollywood-land. Moe, Shemp and Curly Howard? Well they just slapped each other around. How about these guys? (Slide 7) (Play TMNT clip)
All four turtles usually engage in light banter, as well as the occasional sparring session. But it is team leader Leonardo and hot-head Raphael are usually the ones that quarrel the most, vying for the approval of their teacher, especially in a dramatic rooftop scene in their latest movie when they nearly killed one another.
Despite all of this, each brother remains fiercely loyal to the others and will always have their back in a fight.
(Slide 8- Brothers)
Similarly I find that life at home can be similar to a wrestling match in my family, especially between my brother and I.
[Announcer:] Laaaaaaaadies and gentlemen, welcome to WYW family smack down! In the right corner we have the
[Sarge]: Let’s go sissy boy!
[Ref]: Alright boys, I want a good clean fight. No hitting below the belt and no household items as weapons. The round lasts until one of you is out cold or goes crying to mum!
(Slide 9- Pie Chart)
I may have the advantage there, but he has the power to get me into trouble over the slightest thing. Eating things that are not mine, using things that are not mine. We’ve called each other some terrible names and used almost everything short of tear gas.
(Slide 10- Mafia)
But if anyone hurts my brother, I’ll thump them. It’s a little like the Mafia.
Mobster: You mess with my family, you mess with me!
Despite all the unpleasantness, brothers and sisters will be there for you when it really counts. An an old Vietnamese proverb goes: “Brothers and Sisters are as close as hands and feet.”
I’ll wrap this up with a poem about brothers:
(Final Slide- Poem)
Brothers come and brothers go,
But brothers never leave for good,
Because their always in your hearts,
They may fight and yell with you,
Or even be your best friend,
They come in many different ways,
All that matters is they are your brother,
They are the person you look up to,
You want to be just like them,
They are the one you love and cherish,
They are your best friends,
They care for you and worry,
They may not show they care but they really do,
They are your brother the one whose by your side!
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Although sibling rivalry may be potentially dangerous, it is still a normal part of a healthy family life, provided it do. Without it, we may as well be emotionless, humongous freaks like in Country of the Kind.
[As Walter Cronkite] That’s the way it is, here on earth.
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